Where can I read funny text messages, you might ask. Well, thanks for asking because below, you can find my collections of crazy, funny, wild text messages to send to everyone. Have fun laughing :D
100. Teacher: You've been absent with the same excuse. Your lolo died 4 times in 4 months! Now, what is your excuse? Student: My lola is getting married to my 5th lolo!
99. Love can move all mountains. Love can clean dark gray clouds in the sky. Love can give colors where there are none. And love can remove all underwear!
98. You are aging when the candles on your birthday cake are enough to burn down your house, when your joints are as creaky as a rundown door, when your hairline starts to recede and your waistline starts to expand, when you can live without sex but not without your eyeglasses, when your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
97. Why was white chocolate invented? So little black kids could have dirty faces too.
96. If the people don’t want to come out to the park, nobody’s gonna stop them.
95. Why would I avoid those who hate me? When I could make their lives miserable just by existing.
94. Mr1: Whenever my wife needs money, she calls me "handsome." Mr2: Really? Mr1: Yes, "Hand some money over!"
93. Husband to hotel manager. Come, hurry, my wife wants to jump out of the window. Manager: What can I do about that, sir? Husband: Idiot! The window won't open!
92. Chinese: My leaders are like Great Wall Of China, old but still as strong as the brick in the wall. Singaporean: My leaders are like the many high rise buildings in Singapore, they bring our nation to greatest heights. Filipino: My leaders are like Taal Volcano, they've been around for a long time, doing nothing.
91. It is better to tell the truth and make someone cry than to tell a lie and make someone smile, so, don't be shy to tell the truth that I am cute. I will not cry, promise!
Free Text Messages Jokes To Share #00091-#00100
Crazy Funny Text SMS #00081-#00090
Where can I find free funny text messages? It's right here!!! Check out the additional ten hilarious text jokes below and send them to your loved ones to make laugh for a while. Happy texting ;0
90. Definition of wife: Someone who'll stand by you through all the troubles which you wouldn't have had if you had stayed single.
89. A rookie pilot was about to land his plane. To ease his tension, he joked the tower controller, "Guess who?" Controller turned off the runway lights and said, "Guess where?"
88. Life depends on the way you think. For example, read this: Mypenisinhermouth. What did you read? My pen is in her mouth. Or did your dirty mind read something else?
87. What's in the number 7? Why is it God's perfect number? When in fact, 7 is an odd number. Just think, there are 7 days in a week, 7 wonders of the world. In the Bible, you must forgive a person 70 times 7. Even the word forgive has 7 letters. The rainbow has 7 colors and 7 letters. Even the word promise. Maybe, God designed it. For even the word mystery has 7 letters. Begin to see all the 7's in life. Use Olay Total Effects to fight the 7 signs of skin aging.
86. Why in couple photos men are on left side and women on the right? Because in life's balance sheet, assets are on right side and liabilities are on left.
85. In this world, every wife is a mistress to her husband. 1 hour of miss and 23 hours of stress.
84. You = cute; You = hot; You = sweet; You = intelligent; You = amazing; You = perfect; Me = liar
83. Mirror, mirror on the wall whose the firest of them all? The mirror laughed and gave a howl..."its not you, you ugly cow!"
82. Little miss druggy sat in her buggy, smoking an ounce of weed. Along came a spider skinned up beside her and sold her a kilo of speed.
81. Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.
Funny Text Messages #00071-#00080
Send text messages free for your friends. Here's another ten free text messages jokes to share, which is a collection of funny dirty text message, free text jokes, funny text, crazy, funny, wild text message, funny quotes, free funny text messages jokes, and hilarious text messages. Enjoy texting!!!
80. Pregnant stewardess applied for leave of absence. Boss: Why? Stewardess: It's sort of an accident. Boss: Was it job related? Stewardess: Yes, Pilot-error.
79. Quote of the day: For every girl with a broken heart, there's always a boy with a scotch tape.
78. You know you're getting old if you have become a multi-tasker. You can laugh, cough, fart, and pee all at the same time.
77. Before computers, memory was something you lost with age; an application was for a job; a program was a tv show; a cursor used profanities; a keyboard was a piano; a web was a spider's home; a virus was the flu; a hard drive was a long trip on the road; a mouse pad was where a mouse live and a 3-inch floppy is something a man just hope nobody ever found out.
76. Life is easier if we are not beautiful. But since we are, life is difficult!
75. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot even if you don't understand her at all!
74. Who's talking? During courtship, man talks, woman listens. Once married, wife talks, husband listens. After some years, both husband and wife talk, neighbors listen.
73. Question. Why are hurricanes normally named after women? Answer: Because when they come, they are wild and wet but when they go, they take your house and car with them.
72. Three contractors were asked to quote for repair of the Whitehouse gate: American contractor: I'll charge $900, $500 for labor, $300 for materials and $100 for me. Mexican: I'll charge $700, $400 for labor, $200 for materials and $100 for me. Filipino: I'll charge $2700. Whitehouse employee: Why so expensive? Filipino: $1000 for me, $1000 for you and $700 for the Mexican to do the job. Whitehouse employee: Hired! When can you start?
71. A man found a genie who granted him 3 wishes. Genie was told to provide all things he lacked. Genie found that he had no water so he gave him water. Genie saw that he had no money, so he was given a bank. Genie then saw that he had no problem, genie gave him a wife. :)
Examples of Naughty Text Messages To Send #00061-#00070
Do you love sending free funny text messages? These are some of the funniest text messages and short SMS jokes you can send to your friends...
70. You've got sex appeal, you've got style, you've got intelligence, and you've got class. You've got the face and you've got the body but I've got the wrong number... Sorry!!
69. US and British forces attacked a housing estate in Pakistan today. 250 are reported dead and 400 injured. A spokesman says they will attack the second house tomorrow.
68. Last night, I needed you so badly, I wanted to taste you, I wanted you in me so you could work your powers on me but i couldn't find you....Mr. PARACETAMOL!!!
67. There are two types of people: Those who come in and say, "Well, here I am." and those who come in and say, "Hey, there you are!" Who are you?
66. You're driving a car at steady speed. On your left is a drop off and on your right is a fire engine going at same speed you are. In front is a galloping horse the same size as your car so you can't overtake. Behind is a galloping zebra. What must you do to get out of this dangerous situation? Get off the Merry-Go-Round!
65. According to health and science, sex and laughter are good for the heart, except when your partner is laughing at you during sex, that is bad for the heart!
64. Boy: Mom, why am I black and you are white? Mom: Listen son, considering all the crazy things I did years ago, you should be thankful that you are not barking.
63. Sometimes, I feel like a cup of coffee. A little bitter, a little sweet, but oh so hot!
62. Difference between knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit and not a vegetable. Wisdom is knowing not to include it in a fruit salad.
61. Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many new ones to make! Try a different one each day!
Free Funny Text Messages Jokes To Send #00051-#00060
Another 10 free funny text messages and funny SMS jokes to send to your friends. Have a laughful Wednesday!!!
60. It's not how big your sin is. It doesn't matter if you're a thief, a rapist, a murderer, a cheater or a liar. The point is: You committed a sin! Ouch!
59. Doctor: I'm sorry to tell you that you've got rabies. Patient: Please give me a piece of paper and pencil. Doctor: You don't have to write your will. Patient: No, I want to make a list of people to bite.
58. Question: What is the difference between love and a pack of cigarettes? Answer: Both of them can make you sick, but at least, the cigarettes come with a warning!
57. A social study has concluded that a woman's ultimate fantasy is having two men at a time! In the fantasy, one cooks while the other cleans the house.
56. Don't be unhappy if all your dreams never come true, just be thankful that your nightmares don't too.
55. Thought of the day: Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.
54. It's sad how busy we can get sometimes and forget to keep in touch with each other. But I want you to know that nothing's changed. I still look great!
53. It is a scientific fact that 1 out of 3 people is ugly. Look at the person at your left and right. If they are good looking, you're in big trouble!
52. Woman carrying sick baby boy to doctor. Doctor: Is he bottle fed? Woman: Breast fed doc. (Doc squezees woman's breast.) Doc: That's why he's sick, you don't have milk. Woman: Yaya ako Doc! YAYA!
51. I hate liquor and I hate men. To me, they are my enemies! But then again, God said, "Love your enemies." So, what can I do? Disobey God? Amen.
Free Text Jokes Everyday #00041-#00050
Another set of funny text messages to send to everyone!!!
50. Newsflash: Police are looking for a suspect who's smart, sexy, witty and very gorgeous. Help Me !! Where do you think I should hide?
49. When you feel that nobody loves you, that nobody cares, when all you can do is cry and walk away because everyone is against you, then you are the weakest link. Goodbye!
48. No matter how sad, no matter how sick, I feel better just thinking of you... But I'm happier each time I send you a message 'coz I know I'll be disturbing you!
47. If they say "Good looks could kill", then please don't look at me! I don't wanna see you die!
46. I read on the newspaper that sending text messages causes a radiation that is cancerous. That's why I have decided to stop - to stop reading newspapers.
45. Someone said to me, "I love you." I sneezed, then I replied, "Sorry, I'm allergic to talkshits and lies." :)
44. Women are more verbal than men. That's why when you see an elderly couple together, it's always the man who's wearing the hearing aid.
43. A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong." :)
42. Man: How much is the fee for an annulment? Lawyer: P100000. Man: I only paid P1000 when I got married! Lawyer: Freedom, my friend, is always expensive!
41. Thought of the day: Married men live longer than single men but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Funniest Text Message #00031-#00040
Here's another ten jokes to send by text for your friends and even family members :D
40. Why do I miss you? Because you make me smile. You are so kind. You are so sweet. You are very funny. And most of all, because you are not texting me any more. That's why.
39. When you are in love, you wish you were married. When you are married, you wish you were in love.
38. You're like my asthma, you take my breath away. Like dandruff; I can't get you off my head. Like my car, you drive me crazy. Like dentures, I can't smile without you.
37. If you delete this message thats because you love me. If you save it thats because you desire me & if you ignore it thats because you miss me. So what you gonna do with it?
36. Theres an urgent meeting in the jungle! Everyones there.. lions, tigers, cheetas and ape, but the meeting cant start because the monkey is still reading this text
35. You think I'm nice, I think you're nice. You think I'm kind, I think you're kind. You think I can be trusted, I think you can. You think I'm cute, and I think you're right.
34. Everything about you is perfect - your lips, your skin, your eyes, your body. Perfect! You're lucky to be born beautiful, not like me, who was born to be a big liar.
33. This text message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number. We are truly sorry for the inconvenience.
32. Each of us has his own fear but sooner or later we must face it. It takes a lot of guts to overcome it. So don't be afraid to face your fear. Go ahead, take a bath. Good morning.
31. What's the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you and torture is thinking of you too much.
Jokes To Send By Text #00021-#00030
Another sets of Free Funny Text Messages:
30. I am a killer,I kill people for money... but because you are my friend... I'll kill you for nothing!
29. Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now... sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain.
28. I saw you staring out from the window... your eyes... your face.. you're so adorable.
I couldn't resist myself & started singing. HOW MUCH IS THAT DIGGY IN THE WINDOW.
27. I saw something in the shop window today. It was stunning, sexy, cute, beautiful & adorable. I was supposed to buy it for you till I realized it was my own REFLECTION.
26. Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose - your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don't have!
25. Our friendship means a lot to me, and if we were the last people on a sinking ship and there's only one life vest, I would ... ahh.. ahh. I would miss you so bad!
24. WHY MEN ARE LIKE COMPUTERS: 1)they are useless until you turn them on 2)they have lots of data but are still clueless 3)as soon as you pick one, a better model comes on the market!
23. WHY WOMEN ARE LIKE COMPUTERS 1)no one really understands them 2)all your mistakes are stored in their memory 3)you find yourself spending all your money on accessories for them!
22. I'm sure you were born in this world as a cute baby. Now that you're a grownup, I have one question..... What happened?
21. The rain makes all things beautiful, the grass and flowers too. But if rain really makes all things beautiful, why doesn't it rain on you?
Free Funny Text Messages #00011 - #00020
Where can I read funny text messages? Here's the second batch of our free funny SMS.
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20. Those innocent eyes... Those kissable lips... A great smile... The perfect walk... Smoothest talk... Absolutely gorgeous.. Thats enough bout me... How are you?
19. You’re Attractive Gorgeous Intelligent Smart Charming Sophisticated Fit Kind & Generous. In fact you’re becoming more like me everyday!
18. You've got style. You've got intelligence. You've got class. You've got the face & You've got the body & I've got the wrong number!
17. I'm at the police station. The police caught me & filed a case against me "possession of good looks". I'm doomed! I need someone ugly to bail me out- so hurry up!
16. NEWSFLASH: Police are lookin for a suspect who's smart sexy witty & very gorgeous- they've already eliminated you from the enquiry (Where do you think I shood hide?)
15. There's an urgent meeting in the jungle! Everyones there.. lions, tigers, cheetas and ape... but the meeting can't start because the monkey is reading this text :D
14. Girls are like phones. We like to be held and talked too- but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
13. Last night I lay in bed looking at the stars- the beautiful sky and the endless horizon....& suddenly I thought...where on Earth is my roof?
12. Roses are red, violet are blue. Someone like you belongs to the zoo! Don't be mad, don't be blue... Frankenstein was ugly too!
11. This SMS can only be read by someone CUTE: ...try again...again...maybe you are just not cute? ...one more time...hey don't force it ugly!!!
Free Text Messages Jokes #00001 - #00010
Here's the first batch of funny text messages. Enjoy texting!!!
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10. I've been arrested for being the ugliest person in the world. Can you come down the police station and show them it's a mistake?
9. This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience
8 I saw something in the shop window today. It was stunning, gorgeous, cute, beautiful & adorable. I was supposed to buy it for you until I realized it was my own REFLECTION :D
7. Clouds are white but the sky is blue. Monkey like you should be kept in the zoo. Don't get angry you'll find me there too...not in the cage but laughing at you.
6. I want you to know that our friendship means alot to me. You cry I cry. You laugh I laugh. You jump out of the window... I look down & then... I laugh again.
5. Hi I am dying to see you. I want to talk to you seriously, but I can't get to you. This stupid gatekeeper is asking me for a ticket to enter the zoo!
4. Hey can you do me a favour? Take a pic of yourself and it to me. I'm playing cards and I'm missin the joker!
3. Hey friend remember that without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all! :D
2. A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
1. The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass & flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?